HAVE WE KILLED OUR OWN?

My heart overflows,
THESE tears roll down my rosy cheeks for i cannot begin to own , just like the beautiful summer rains rushing inbetween the dolerites and granites of the karoo high up in the mountains,
I forgive mys3lf not for having endured and i forgive myself not to have fallen at such haste,
Its not for my wisdom to dully acknowledge any faults that lyeth between our stars,
The brokeness that lie inbetween isnt for human fixes but of the unnullified greater authorita
We havent yet KILLED our own, or have we?

They said all it took was to give and take but it proved not, the shamefullness that is and wouldve is by far the greatest not to be overlooked.  To own the misery that comes with it or to simply be dashingly fabulous to take note in Ignorance that is..unlike the rules of physics on earthly bodies, what we posses we attract, Never did I loose my focus,  ive remained insitu, both in word and otherwise. This isnt for me to dwell and ponder ive done a lot of feeling and healing for such. If these were the heavens storms  on me, i came our wet from the mud and have received the riches that come with it.
DID WE KILL OUR OWN?

If it were inhuman to do so, we couldnt have !
If it was an act of favour from the lord, then
Lord lead us through!
If it was the universe, then we sure have sinned.
It is in the dirty rocks that we discover either gold nor diamonds,
it is not for humans to judge but for the creator to ajudicate, not for the sinner to repent but for the sinner to dully acknowledge.
We May have killed our own but we havent burried ourselves with it, Blessings on Bleasings we Hope for a better ONE inself as ONE

WE HAVENT KILLED OUR OWN, OR HAVE WE?

ohh YES I've cried

      I'VE cried and CONQUERED  my loss


       Yes I cried when he told me I was being stubborn at 2 O'clock dawn......
Yep I did cry that my stubbornness deceived me, for all I know it was FAITH that all shall be well the following morning
        Deceived yes but I hope to have               conquered my loss

In my being alone ..the tossing and turning kept me company but again I still cried because the tears rolling down my rosy cheeks had a tune to it
    The tune not of musical art but of the pounding pain that got worse by a tick tock
     In tune or not,   I cried coz my stubborness had deceived me but Conquering I will.

The hours of the morning were awaken by my loudest silent prayers and snooping, walking towards my optomisism of being all good in the morning... but my stubbornness had deceived me....

Then again my tears started falling like drops of summer rainfall no shade of being could stop it ....no shade of beings could stop it...like summer rainfall it got me wet...
  However the tears were shy enough to hide, the pouring rains of heamo went on and on for the world to see..
Yes I cried when the world didn't sympathize with me.....sympathize with me to make it shy away but blouted my whole shame for the world to see..

Atleast my 2 cents black jeans I wore were kind enough to shield me from the shame of the world.
Yes my shame was hidden but I still cried cause I lacked a holding hand and a shoulder to wet as the summer rains kept falling down on me...
  I'm still crying because I'm expected to share this piece of me someday..but I still Hope to CONQUER my Loss..

I let it be mine and mine alone because my stubbornness deceived me..but in all honesty it's OUR loss..
Im still crying for I will never shed or hope to share this moment once more..I still Cry although I will CONQUER OUR loss for the both of Us...

        To my non existing self lost in existence..

              ZINATHI izinsikeleli zikaJehoavah_JR 120415

Blessings and Burdens..

Burdens and Blessings  ...

The world decided to take its winds and tall's on me, unshaken I will remain...
My scribbles to my non-existence self  got caught up in a X-fire ,
                                                                    washed away into the ocean.......


In the last day or two I got an epiphany of some sort,
TD Jakes talk on Burdens and Blessings. I finally arrive to a conclusive end that all that is happening in my life is a phase which will be succeeded by floodgates of Blessings.
               
             After my findings that there's a bun in the oven, I felt my all was coming down crashing                 down on my feet. I didn't understand why God picked me out of a thousand flowers in the                            garden. Like a flower picked from a garden I though these were my dying days,,,i                               needed to renew my strength and pull myself together not for the goodness and                                      good health of my soul but for the good health of my offspring s/he deserves that                                  much from me. In that state all I could think of was how I have let myself down and                               failed myself. Lacking emotional support and motivation I needed answers from the                               almighty, may have overlooked alot of things I am grateful for. This is likely to happen when in crumbling state..

       I wake up to good mornings and great days, through his Love and Mercy I see each morning and day, blessed me a few souls who acknowledge my presence and being.
All this I overlooked, not knowing my testimony of "Burdens and Blessings"
Just like a sack of potatoes in the rack....i felt so alone....Thinking how am I going to BE, survive and thrive for thy teeth too... Still need answers but he who I believeth will answer in his own time.
There are Burdens to bare before any Blessings to recieveth,  As beings we never think of burdens as processes that we "FIT" for or deemed to pass through to recieve our Blessings.
Unfortunately just like how we pray for rain and not think of the mud,,,,, Had I known my Burdens would be this thorny and tangled, I would've worn heavy clothes but as bare As I Am, 
I will pass through them as quick as I can possibly can, I am grateful for my Burdens are as light on my shoulders although they may fall on to the shoulders of my precursors so heavy and hardheartedly so.
I ask for renewed strentgh eachday for me and for who my other half is..
May we get renewed strength and thread the beauty in our hearts and mould what we have put together, and mend our souls into what will be as appropriate in recieving our Blessing and our custom made gift from the most high....

Zinanthi insikelelo zenkosi...

• 
  

One man Woman - I am

My love for you got me hooked
Like how cocain is to a junkie,
I cant compare my love to thee,
 these can only put me in one state of high
But your love got me feeling all kinds of euphoric high
 I am a one man Woman and for you to think im any differnt would be hysteric

Should I engrave the writings of my love in your heart?
 Should I engrave your name on my body,
or better yet be your shadow even on a not so sunny day.
Havent I showed my love for you?
Havent I been expressing it on the lil ILUVU scribbs i write you once in a while.
DO you ever dare to think ohh Boo Boo my Bae is goin on about me?
Does it ever cross your mind?
Once in a while do imagine your face written all over it,
My love you got me really hooked up I loosened my other love READING - haha
one man Woman - I am


I give you all my love but  I seem to get one smack

after the next, right up on my face

       I am a one man Woman

                             For you to think im any different would be hysteric

                                                                                (After the 152501 events)